Now that we’ve just about defeated our winter viruses, my family and I have been trying to get back on track with new our daily schedules. I leave home while it’s still dark to get to work just as the sun comes up, while my dear wife Mrs Cbay brings the boys to daycare later in the morning. I pick up our rascals in the early afternoon, and Mrs Cbay returns home after dark. It’s all well and good for both of us as we’re able to spend ample time with our sons, but our offset working hours mean that we spend less and less time together as a couple. As expected, our relationship has sometimes felt like throwing a bag of nuts and bolts into a cake mixer, with the result being something not so easily digestible.
I knew had to make a change, for once in my life. I knew that it would feel real good, that it would make a difference, and that it would make it right. I took a long look at my weary self in the mirror. “C’mon dude. Make a change…”
Like the YDad that I am, I quickly searched the internet for a solution. I found one in a vlog by my mate Reservoir Dad about increasing the housework to increase the bedwork. I arrived alone to a realisation that my reluctance to take on a larger portion of the daily chores has forced my wife to pick up the slack, leaving her with less time and energy to spend on me.
To get back on top, I need to take charge and go hard. With the chores that is.
In an uncanny turn of events, I received a package from the friendly folk at Philips. In it was something I have been running away from for a long, long time.
An iron.
Now I will shamefully admit, I have not ironed more than three pieces of clothing since Cbaby 2 was born. He’s almost one year old. There, I said it. My lovely wife has been graciously ironing EVERYTHING for as long as I can remember.
I reluctantly opened the box, still hoping to magically find something more ‘manly’ in there as a sweet mistake. Perhaps some new blades for my electric shaver or those LED Daylight 8 Daytime Running Lights that would go nicely on my car. Nope, just an iron.
Lo and behold, the Philips PerfectCare Aqua; an iron slicker than your average.
But how much slicker? As a designer, I can admit that it does look pretty cool. It kinda looks like the helmet of an estranged third member of Daft Punk. I looked at the features on the box. It was jargon to me. I consulted my brother Ivan, who’s an engineer, and drives a cool car.
“Hey bro, uh I just got this epic-looking steam iron from Philips, and apparently it’s really high-tech. I’m just reading the specs now… This thing says 2.2L water capacity. Your car is only a 2L yeah? How much boost is your GTI running normally?”
“Hmmm, the P3 gauge says around 1.3 bar.”
“Oh. The specs say it’s got 5 bar of pressurised steam. AND a fully automatic one-setting-to-iron-them-all OptimalTemp technology that apparently will stop me from burning clothes. That means it’s pretty good right?”
“Uh, I guess so?”
Holy crap. This iron is on some next-level super-turbo-steam business. The features made it sound as good as, if not better than, a Golf GTI. I got excited even though I’m fairly certain a pressurised steam iron and a turbocharged hot-hatch are completely unrelated machines. Could I really take up some ironing to make my wife happy? Although I did buy Mrs Cbay some flowers (well, they’re still buds right now) recently, I suppose I could give this new gadget a try…
Like the manic beeping from the fridge when it’s been left open, I suddenly remembered the awesome “motivational mixtape” that my brother-in-law Micks sent to me; Eric Thomas’ Blueprint 2 Success. In “Competitive Edge”, he speaks of motivating himself to do everything he can to maintain and improve his relationship with his wife, including doing the ironing. He imagines that, if he doesn’t stay competitive… he could lose his wife to another man.
The very thought pushed me over the edge. And just like Eric Thomas, there’s no way I’m losing my wife to a younger, more handsome, wealthy-suity-businessy-guy; sweeping her off her feet, very quickly and very far away, in his A45 AMG. Like a Magikarp splashing in a puddle of its own shame, I desperately needed to level up. This fancy steam iron might just be the rare candy to kick my evolution to Gyarados into gear.
I moved the ironing board, the PerfectCare Aqua and a mound of clothes to my man cave. I put The Pharcyde’s Runnin’ on a turntable, pressed play, turned on my new magical device, and I ironed the night away.
“Can’t keep runnin’ awayyyyyyyyy…”